Couples in Recovery From Addiction

Couples who deal with substance abuse or addictive behaviors in their partnership struggle with many patterns – however, when a partner finally STOPS the behavior, there can tend to be a realization that things are not as great as either had expected.

Couple’s in recovery deal with many challenges which can include:

Disillusionment
Role changes
The feeling of not even knowing who you are married to any more (“who IS THIS PERSON?”)
Spouses sometimes wish their partners would “just go back to drinking”
Sober sex, connection, and discussing feelings all feel new and awkward
Reactivity or bottling things up based on years of pattern (which need to change in recovery for things to stabilize long-term)

Suddenly the “spouse with the problem” has opinions and wants to insert his or her will
Trouble coping with stress in new ways (by the way, living with a spouse and having kids in today’s schedule IS STRESS)
Resentment
Re-building trust and healing from blame
The threat or fear of relapse
Self-care of “addict” and spouse: time that used to be spent drinking / using isn’t always completely dedicated to the spouse / family

The disease of addiction torments lives in so many unspoken, un-researched, insidious ways.

These traumas, coping mechanisms, lies, and ways of communicating tend to hide in the shadows until recovery is found. The recovery process doesn’t resolve these demons, it simply shines the light on the issues that had been hiding. In an intimate relationship, recovery can be a very painful time of seeing what’s been lurking in the darkness.

With all that said, realizing that things aren’t as good as they thought it would be is a common struggle for a couple. These patterns need time to be worked out, acknowledged, and discussed in a loving and acceptable space. I can provide this space.

I work with couples who are committed to the relationship during the time of treatment. It’s acceptable to not know if a separation may come, but for the time of counseling one requirement I have is that clients will take actions toward healing with the goal of staying together in mind. We can work with moments or hidden thoughts of “is this really going to work out?” as they come, but I do not provide a space to allow couples to defend or lash out at each other to make a case for a judge or separation process.

I welcome our inquiries and hope I can help you on your healing process together.